5 ways to get your relationship through your real estate transaction.

real estate therapy5 ways to get your relationship through your real estate transaction.

I am certainly not a therapist and don’t pretend to be one. In fact, I don’t want to know about your skeletons or deep dark secrets so keep that stuff to yourself, this is merely my observations in 15 years of practicing real estate. I have noticed a common trend amongst generally loving couples, at some point during the home buying and selling process, the snapping, eye rolling and loud sighs begin. A snide comment here, a sarcastic one there and all the sudden your real estate agent won’t make eye contact with either of you for fear you will think they are choosing sides. Relax, I am not singling you out, it happens to the best of us. Here are a few things I’ve found were helpful to remind my clients. If you are one of those perfect couples who never argues and always see eye to eye with your partner, congratulations, but I don’t believe you.

1. YOU DON’T ACTUALLY HATE YOUR PARTNER: You don’t. No, seriously, you don’t. One thing that always makes me laugh is when your partner doesn’t like the tile in your dream home and suddenly they can’t do any thing right. Chill out. You aren’t going to agree on everything and big life events are hard. When it comes to selling, I see a lot of stress on couples. I usually recommend sitting down together ahead of time and discussing your expectations before you list your house. One place you need to agree is price, I have often seen couples take opposing sides on price when an offer comes in. One thinks it’s too low, the other is ready to get the dang house sold. Sitting down ahead of time and agreeing on your strategy will make life easier on both of you.

husband wife

2. SLEEP ON IT: How many times have you gotten this advice? Taking a little time is always a good idea. Your Husband loves the house you like the least? Don’t freak out in the driveway, in fact try to keep an open mind. Give it at least one night’s sleep before you absolutely put your foot down.

3. SEE IT THROUGH YOUR PARTNER’S EYES: Instead of saying no, because it just doesn’t suit you, try taking a few minutes to appreciate what your partner loves about a particular house. If you’re selling and your wife is having a mini breakdown because keeping the house clean for showings while trying to wrangle your twin toddlers is killing her, give her a minute to vent. I suggest never getting too close to an over stressed mother. Then try to come up with some options to make that an easier event. Giving the kids away is not an option, usually. When all else fails, even if you think she’s over reacting and being far too dramatic, a glass of wine and a little chocolate has saved many a night.

4. YOU CAN’T ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU WANT: But as the Rolling Stones said, “if you try sometimes you just might find, you get what you need”. As in most life changing events you aren’t going to always agree on the details. The name of the game is compromise. It’s rare to find a house that has every single perfect element a couple ever wanted, so there is going to be some give and take. When it comes to your house search, I recommend coming up with a “Top 10” list as a couple, and then establish a few deal breakers on that list. Share this list with your agent so they are sure to keep things headed the right direction.


5. ZIP YOUR LIPS: This one is hard (read: nearly impossible) for me, as I speak fluent sarcasm. Here’s the deal, while looking at homes together, if you don’t have anything nice to say to your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend whatever, don’t say anything at all. That means no sarcastic comments about the yoga room your wife fell in love with, no eye rolling and deep sighs while your husband drools over the built in workshop with air conditioning and an extra 220 volt outlet. Give them their moment, it doesn’t mean you are suddenly throwing down an earnest deposit and riding off into the sunset to Home Depot. I often find that just because one person loves loves one item about the house, does not mean they are desperate to have the whole thing. Being disrespectful to each other will make for one heck of a long day, and an even longer real estate search. Now here is the caveat, if you both hate the green shag carpet and pink toilet, go to town, say whatever comes to mind, my client’s will tell you that I definitely will!

And now for the good news, once paperwork is signed and the stress of packing up and unpacking all of your earthly possessions subsides, you’ll like each other as much or as little as you did before.

If you’re looking to buy or sell your AZ home, and would like more information, please find me at my website or email me at Caily@CailySellsAZ.com

Just want to share your real estate couple breakdown, I’m all ears, feel free to comment!

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